Oh no
by Aoikami Sarah
Summary: When Pacifica's family enters into a deal she finds untenable, she has to make a tough decision, reinvent herself and find happiness somehow. Dipifica aged up into their 20's. Originally presented as journal entries and newspaper clippings on aksarah's tumblr.
1. Chapter 1

**Oh no.**

 **A Gravity Falls Fanfic by Aoikami Sarah**

Written in May, 2015 while waiting after "Not What He Seems"

 **This was created as a mixed-media fanfiction on tumblr. Go to tumblr user aksarah and search #ohno to see it.**

" _Let no man tether his own body to his dreams,_

 _his dreams to someone else,_

 _Oh no, oh no."_

from "The Satellite" by Elvis Costello

 **Chapter One**

 **Selected Entries from the Journal of Pacifica E. Northwest, Summer, 2012**

June 6th, 2012

Went to a "party" at that gross tourist-trap tonight. Won a lame karaoke contest. Someone actually dared compete against me! She had an old lady name, I forget what. I think she might be a new girl? Her friends were that big girl with the man's voice and the Asian girl with the glasses. Gross. She was pretty good at Karaoke, but not good enough. XP Afterparty on the boat. Again. It was ok.

June 13th, 2012

Pioneer Day! My outfit this year is lake-foam green. Screw anachronism! I also managed to find a faux-fur coonskin cap and had The Help set the old one on fire. It smelled so bad! Ugh!

Later: OMG. So that new girl and her brother are INSANE and they dug up this report that "proves" that Nathaniel Northwest was a loser! I do not know what to think right now. I feel like maybe I should feel more angry at those kids than I am at my own ancestor but... Mom and Dad said they didn't know anything about it, but I know by now that means NOTHING. Dad said I'm forbidden from talking about it and he took the report away and then told me not to even think about it. I remember something like "patsy mayor" and "hated by everyone"?! But it also said something mental about Santa Claus and that the true founder of GF was a guy named Trembly? But if it was completely false, why didn't Dad say so?

June 14th, 2012

I dug around a little. The new kids are just here for the summer. Not that it matters since they'd probably just go to the public school if they moved here. The girl has that old lady name… Mildred? Maud? Something. The boy, I don't know. I thought I heard it, but it can't be that stupid. They LIVE at the tourist trap. How can they even? It smells like old man, mold and must.

June 20th, 2012

I went to this lame carnival thing at the tourist-trap. I won a chicken. Seriously. A chicken. I gave it to that weird old gold-rush cliché man. The girl (Mabel. Her name is Mabel. Ha!) won a super cute pig. How did she beat me?! I so officially cannot deal.

I think I've seen more of this town in the last week than I have in my whole life. Has it always been this nuts? People in GF are not like they are on TV or in New York, Paris or Rome. The new kids were running around the whole time like lunatics so maybe poor people everywhere are crazy? Oh, and they're related to the old man who runs the tourist trap. Maybe that explains everything. The guy wears an eyepatch… sometimes. What the hell?!

June 30th, 2012

Mabel is making videos for some reason and interviewed me to ask what my favorite color was. They must be so bored over there in that smelly shack.

July 8th, 2012

I do not even know where to begin about what happened yesterday. But I've decided to find a way to hide this journal. The stuff I have to write today is too weird. No one (besides the Pines) will ever believe me, and I don't want Mom and Dad to have any excuses… So I'm going to find a tool to take out the little metal thingies (screws? yuck, who came up with that name?) and stick this behind the central air vent.

My mini-golf trainer Sergei and I went to the course as per usual and Mabel and Dipper were there with their servant and the gross old man they live with. Mabel challenged me, again! Oh it made my blood boil! But I kind of liked the feeling. Like, I dunno, like to test myself against her skills made me feel good in a way? In an angry sort of way? So we met at midnight at the course and about halfway through the round, things got weird. The minigolf course is controlled by a race of tiny golf ball people. They tried to kill me. But Dipper and Mabel saved me. They didn't have to, but they did. They could have just run for it. I would have.

Mabel apologized for rigging the course and admitted that I was the better player and that I would have won! Never ever has anyone… I can't even. She just talks to me like I'm nobody, like I'm anybody! I think I played it cool, but I felt like I was coming apart. Who are these kids?!

When it was over, my car hadn't returned to pick me up yet and it was going to pour and Mabel and Dipper gave me a ride in their ancient car. It was gross. SO GROSS and dirty and smelly my hand stuck to the seat. Mable shared a snack with me which is weird because 1) they are allowed to eat in the car (well, it is pretty dirty already) and 2) she shared something with me for no reason at all. I've done nothing but badmouth her to her face since the moment I met her and she has not once kowtowed or groveled or sucked up to me like every other kid I've ever met does. Her brother, too. He flat out hates me, but he doesn't hide it like everyone else does. I need to think about this a lot. Seriously. Is it just these two who are like this, or are there others in the world?

Oh, and I am not making the golf ball people up. Sergei was my witness, though, I'm not sure if they killed him, I sort of left him to die. Oops.

July 20th, 2012

Tonight was supposed to be another wonderful night highlighting the greatness of the family Northwest, showing off to the rest of the elite world by throwing them a party to remember. I'm always the star. But this year was totally different. Tonight I learned so many secrets. Things I could have gone my whole life not knowing and I would have grown up to be the same sort of diamond-encrusted trash my parents are. Sorry this looks kind of sloppy, my hands are still shaking I'm so mad!

I found proof that the Northwest name is crap, and not from some weirdo report like before. In our house are paintings- actual high quality enormous oil paintings in gilded frames- showing my ancestors' misdeeds. They must have hung in the house in the past and maybe Mom and Dad decided that if they were going to convince everyone they weren't evil that they should hide them? I don't know! It's crazy! This whole night was crazy! A ghost with an ax through his head (did my ancestor kill him?!) tried to kill us, all because our family broke a promise a long time ago to let the common folk into the party.

So my family IS a fraud. A "sham" as Dipper put it. Evil, malicious, maybe murderers? I'm not like that, am I? But I'm a Northwest! I've always been taught to be proud of that, but why, if what it means to be a Northwest is nothing but terrible? My father suggested before the night was over that we could EAT our butler. EAT HIM. They have no problem with that. And I'm their daughter...

My Dad hired Dipper to come and exterminate the ghost, and it didn't go well. Dipper got so mad at me for lying to him about the real reason for the haunting, but I didn't know what to do. I don't know what made Dipper come back, but he did. He rescued me. Rather than agree with everyone that I'm spoiled and terrible just like them and leave me to die turned into wood and set on fire by the vengeful ghost of a lumberjack, Dipper said "just because you're your parents' daughter doesn't mean you have to be like them" or something.

No one has ever said that I can be anything other than my parents' daughter. "You are our daughter" rings in my ears just like that bell...

I've been trained to behave with a dog-obedience tool and until tonight I've never thought to question it! It didn't seem like that big a deal when I just wanted to wear a different dress, or eat another piece of biscotti, or to go out to the park to watch fireworks with the townies… I thought my parents knew what was best for me and were only trying to raise me right.

I may only be 12 years old, but for years now I've been getting around on my own, driven places by a chauffeur alone, trained for sports alone, had to look after myself in the house and away at school, so I kind of feel like an adult. But EVERY SINGLE THING I do is planned for me. If I'm thirsty, someone buys me a drink, I have no idea how to just walk into a store and buy a soda. I mean, I think I could figure it out, but I've never actually made a transaction myself. My parents control my entire world. They put me on a pedestal and if I falter, out comes the bell…

Dipper suggested it and the ghost said it. I am not like the other Northwests. I can't be! If I thought things had changed after the minigolf incident, boy, are they different now. I wonder if when I turn 18 if I can get out from under their control… Omg that is crazy, what am I thinking?!

I'm grounded by the way for letting the commoners into the party. Like, forever. The only thing I'm sad about is that I can't go see Dipper. He's kind of officially my hero now. I don't know how I'm going to deal with that, but I just really want to see him and talk to him and his sister. I think maybe they are the only two people in the world who really know me, even a little.


	2. Chapter 2

**Oh no.**

 **A Gravity Falls Fanfic by Aoikami Sarah**

 **Chapter Two**

 **Journal of Pacifica E. Northwest selected entries 2015-2018, and Newspaper Clippings**

July 9th, 2015

Today I had a really bad day. Nothing terrible happened, really, but I saw Stan Pines (the one with the fez) and I hadn't seen him in a while. He looked super old. He didn't see me, which is good, but it brought back such a wave of painful memories.

I still can't believe it's been three years since I first met Dipper and Mabel, and two since I've talked to Dipper at all. I can barely write about it. I'm glad I got it all out after the stuff with him and that triangle demon thing happened in this journal, I needed to do that, but my dumb 13-year-old feels sound so stupid now. I wish he'd write to me. I know if I asked Mabel for help she'd jump on it, but I don't want to play that game. He should want to contact me. If he doesn't, why would I want to talk to him? I know we were only 13 but it was a seriously epic breakup and I still think it wasn't either of our faults, but... It's not like I lay awake at night thinking about him. Oh, wait. Right. I do.

Only less than two years and five months to go until I'm 18. It's like time is slowing down. Maybe it is, you never know with this stupid town. I'm doing really well at playing the part, though. They're planning to send me to Princeton and I keep bragging about it openly (New Jersey though, seriously?). I cannot wait to see the looks on their faces when I tell them what I'm going to do!

So, here's the plan. I'm only writing this down now because I'm sure they haven't found this journal. I rigged up a security thing that Dipper showed me how to do with hair and tape (kind of gross, but it works).

Play the dutiful daughter until December 1st, 2017

Turn 18 and Savings and Trust Funds in my name become my property

Live off Savings and Trusts on my own somewhere far from THEM

Be happy! :)

October 12th, 2017

I don't know what to do. All my plans are ruined. I should call Mabel but why? She can't do anything, and Dipper can't save me from this. Without money, the plan doesn't work. And without money what can I possibly do? And it's like they knew that I was trying to get out, but I'm positive they didn't read the journal, I covered it in powder and there would be smudges if they had!

They lost everything. All my funds which were theirs until 12/1 are _gone_. Some sort of Ponzi scheme they cooked up I don't know the details but I know by the look of horror and evil on their faces that it's true. And to get themselves out of it, they've sold ME. I'm to marry Gilbert Nguyen this scrawny computer nerd whose mom is some Silicon Valley tycoon who owns half of California. He's like 10 years older than I am and super super gross! He said something totally disgusting to me, and my parents didn't even bat an eye!

They handed me a contract to sign that says if I marry him next month the Northwests get $10 billion. I refused and they said that I can't. I said I'd just divorce him and they said that the contract stipulates that I must remain married to him for at least 10 years and "produce" at least five kids. Great, now I'm crying again. Mom and Dad just pushed the contract at me and demanded I sign it. I said I'd rather break all of my fingers than sign (which was a pretty badass thing to say and I was surprised it came out of my mouth) and I ran to my room. I've been locked in here ever since. I know they can get the doors off if they really want to so it's only a matter of time before they'll make me sign it.

I don't know what to do. Part of me wishes Dipper was here, but I know that boat sailed and he's far away. I need help RIGHT NOW. I need a miracle. I need a deal with the devil. I'd sell my soul to anyone just to be free. (scribbled out symbol)

Called the triangle. Really dumb. SO DUMB. Big mistake. After everything that happened back in 2013 why did I think he'd be any less evil? I'm 100% sure he still wants us dead and I almost made it happen. But he spied on Mom and Dad and said they are planning to set the house on fire to collect the insurance money. I know it's the truth. What the actual fuck? Nothing makes sense anymore. I haven't eaten since the 12th, I think it's the 14th? Not sure. I'm so scared. Here's my options:

agree to marry this creep and have money and live a miserable life in California

refuse to marry, maybe get burned alive

make a deal with the triangle - probably die

kill myself and spite everyone

run away

I think I'm going to throw up. If I were braver I could maybe do something but I can't think of anything that could help me in the slightest… but I'm not brave. I'm so scared. Now I really wish Dipper Pines would run in here, calling my name and giving me the courage I need. But I don't have anyone anymore. I don't have any real friends and the only two I ever had are long gone. If I don't have money I'm useless and everyone will make fun of me forever and my life will be miserable. If only I wasn't a Northwest!

GRAVITY FALLS GOSSIPER, Friday, October 20th, 2017, Page 1

NORTHWEST MANSION FIRE by Toby Determined

(photo of burning mansion)

At 1:30 AM Sunday morning Gravity Falls Fire Department responded to an alarm call at the Northwest Mansion. Responders found the southern section of the large estate fully involved and had to call for mutual aid from surrounding towns to put out the blaze. About one third of the mansion house was destroyed compromising the kitchens and other service and reception areas. The Northwests could not be reached for comment. An investigation into the cause of the blaze is ongoing.

GRAVITY FALLS GOSSIPER, Friday, October 27th, 2017, Page 1

NORTHWESTS ARRESTED - ARSON, FRAUD CHARGES, HOMICIDE INVESTIGATION by Toby Determined

(photo of Preston, Muffy, and Pacifica Northwest)

The bodies of three unidentified individuals were discovered in a wing of the Northwest mansion house, part of which was consumed by fire on October 16th. Their identities are unknown at the time of this publication. The FBI have been called in to the case, relieving Gravity Falls Sheriff Blubs, as the fire is now suspected to have been set intentionally, and possibly-related charges of fraud have been brought against Preston and Muffy Northwest. Additionally, a homicide investigation is being conducted regarding the three unidentified fire victims. Authorities hope to question the Northwests' 17-year old daughter Pacifica who has been missing since the morning of the 16th. If anyone has seen or heard from her they are asked to report to the FBI or local authorities.

GRAVITY FALLS GOSSIPER, Friday, November 3rd, 2017, Page 1

NORTHWESTS ARRAIGNED by Toby Determined

Preston and Muffy Northwest were arraigned yesterday at Crook County Superior Court. The affidavit claims that the couple concocted an elaborate Ponzi scheme that left them penniless and indebted to billionaire Bian Nguyen to the tune of $10 billion. The investigation into the arson of their mansion house is still ongoing. Federal authorities have brought the following charges against the couple:

Count One: Securities Fraud: Maximum penalty: 20 years in prison, fine of the greatest of $5 million or twice the gross gain or loss from the offense, and restitution. Count Two: Investment Adviser Fraud: Maximum penalty: 5 years in prison, fine of the greatest of $10,000 or twice the gross gain or loss from the offense, and restitution. Count Three: Mail Fraud: Maximum penalty: 20 years in prison, fine of the greatest of $250,000 or twice the gross gain or loss from the offense, and restitution. Count Four: Wire Fraud: Maximum penalty: 20 years in prison, fine of the greatest of $250,000 or twice the gross gain or loss from the offense, and restitution.

Count Five: International Money Laundering To Promote Specified Unlawful Activity: Maximum penalty: 20 years in prison, fine of the greatest of $500,000 or twice the value of the monetary instruments or funds involved, or twice the gross gain or loss from the offense, and restitution.

Count Six: International Money Laundering To Conceal And Disguise The Proceeds Of Specified Unlawful Activity: Maximum penalty: 20 years in prison, fine of the greatest of $500,000 or twice the value of the monetary instruments or funds involved or twice the gross gain or loss from the offense, and restitution. Count Seven: Money Laundering: Maximum penalty: 10 years in prison, fine of the greatest of $250,000 or twice the gross grain or loss from the offense, and restitution. Count Eight: False Statements: Maximum penalty: 5 years in prison, fine of the greatest of $250,000 or twice the gross gain or loss from the offense, and restitution.

Count Nine: Perjury: Maximum penalty: 5 years in prison, fine of the greatest of $250,000 or twice the gross gain or loss from the offense, and restitution. Count 10: Making A False Filing With The Securities and Exchange Commission: Maximum Penalty: 20 years in prison, fine of the greatest of $5 million or twice the gross gain or loss from the offense, and restitution. Count 11: Theft From An Employee Benefit Plan: Maximum Penalty: 5 years in prison, fine of the greatest of $250,000 or twice the gross gain or loss from the offense, and restitution.

GRAVITY FALLS GOSSIPER, Friday, April 6th, 2018

ANNOUNCEMENT

Stanford and Stanley Pines are proud to announce the acceptance of their grand-nephew to the University of California, Berkeley. Dipper Pines will study archeology, anthropology and "all kinds of stuff" according to Stanley Pines. "We couldn't be prouder of the twerp. It's not gonna get him any girls, though, that's for damn sure."


	3. Chapter 3

**Oh no.**

 **A Gravity Falls Fanfic by Aoikami Sarah**

 **Chapter Three**

 **Newspaper Articles, Personal Journal of Dipper Pines Selected Entries**

GRAVITY FALLS GOSSIPER, Friday, September 21st, 2018, Page 1

NORTHWESTS SENTENCED by Toby Determined

US District Judge Portia Maxwell sentenced Preston Northwest to 50 years and his wife, Muffy Northwest to 30 years in prison after a Salem federal jury convicted them of multiple counts of fraud in April. The multi-billion dollar Ponzi scheme they orchestrated drained all of their assets. Their daughter, Pacifica disappeared in October 2017. Originally, it was believed that the daughter stood to gain and had some hand in the scheme, but evidence presented in the trial indicate that the funds her parents lost included those set aside in trusts meant to go to her when she turned 18. Silicon Valley billionaire Bian Nguyen was one of the many affected by the scheme and has filed a civil suit in which she is seeking $10 billion invested in the couple's business. Under federal bankruptcy law, a trustee can recover up to six years' worth of transfers if they constitute a "fraudulent conveyance" of the bankrupt firm's (or in this case, the couple's) assets.

GRAVITY FALLS GOSSIPER, Friday, June 7th, 2019

ADVERTISEMENT

Visit The Mystery Shack

Wonderful things await you when you enter its doors. Don't be afraid, it's all been expertly curated by the Brothers Pines and nothing can possibly harm you… probably. Open for tours 11 AM to 4 PM, gift shop open till 5 PM, Wednesday through Sunday, rain or shine all year except Christmas, Thanksgiving, Summerween, Halloween, and Walpurgisnacht.

GRAVITY FALLS GOSSIPER, Friday, January 14th, 2022, Page 2

LOCAL GAL WORLD FAMOUS by Toby Determined

You've all heard of the fashion trend sweeping the country that has every girl and boy begging their parents to buy them a KinetiSweater, but did you know that its inventor is a part-time Gravity Falls resident? Mabel Pines, famous fashion maven, is the grandniece of Stanley and Stanford Pines, owners, of the Mystery Shack. Mabel had been trying to make her way in fashion for several years before making it big with the KinetiSweater - a self-powered illuminated (and in more premium models, audio and wifi-enabled) sweater that expresses the wearer's unique personality. Not only does it allow a person to show off their individuality through the different patterns and colors (or sounds) generated by lights on the front of the garment (and in premium models, the back), the more a person moves while wearing it, the more expressive they can be, encouraging vigorous physical activity.

GRAVITY FALLS GOSSIPER, TV LISTINGS for Friday, August 11th, 2023

11 PM, Channel 9

APPARITION INVESTIGATORS

Live from the Northwest Mansion, Gravity Falls, Oregon. Join Kyle and Kipp as they enter the ruins of this grand estate, scene of a deadly, tragic fire in 2017 (1 hr.).

Personal Journal of Dipper Pines

Wednesday, August 9th, 2023

Mabel got in today. I think the last six months were the longest we've ever gone without seeing each other. It was quiet and I got a lot more done, sure, but I missed her a lot more than I thought I would. When she came through the door it really got me. It's nice to have the four of us together again, especially since Grunkle Stan needs so much more help, Grampa can't keep up and we don't have the funds for a caregiver so it's pretty much on us. Not that I want Mabel to have to deal with it, but it's nice to have another hand. He just turned 81. I think he'll live to 100+ which is fine if his mind stays as sharp as it is, but…

On Friday that knock-off, bogus ghost hunter show is coming to town. I think they've finally said I can be on hand, but from what I've seen of the show, it's going to be cringe-worthy and terrible. They'll probably just make fun of me when I tell them there are no ghosts in the manor and make me look stupid on national television. Oh well. From what I've seen, I don't trust them. I'm going to make sure they don't say anything uninformed and patently false. Especially if they dare to insinuate that Pacifica's ghost haunts the place. None of the bodies they found were hers-and that's not even speculation! It's the proven truth! Besides the point that I've gone through every spell, rite, and incantation I can get my hands on trying to contact her spirit to no avail.

Mabel brought stuff from California to make awesome tacos for dinner tonight. She'll be here for two weeks before fashion week starts up and then she's got to head back to NY.

Personal Journal of Dipper Pines

Saturday, August 12th, 2023

Holy cow where do I start this entry?

It's about 3 in the morning and I can't sleep so I might as well write about this now. Last night I went to the NW mansion for that stupid ghost hunter show and decided to prowl the halls before they started filming. I heard something and went to go check it out and I caught what I thought was one of the crew stealing something. I chased the perp to a hidden exit-tunnel/slide thing behind a staircase that emptied out in the back yard. The perp had gotten tangled in an overgrown shrub at the base of the slide and I landed on top of her. She pleaded with me to let her go and I thought she was with the crew so I gave her a hard time. Then she said "Dipper?" and I turned the flashlight on her. It was PACIFICA!

She was shocked to see me-didn't think I lived here, didn't expect to see me. Said she came to get her journal she left in an air vent. She begged me to forget I'd seen her and let her go but I just couldn't. I begged her to talk to me and she was a little cagy, but finally agreed.

We went for coffee at the diner and she told me what her folks did to her that she ran away and hid her identity. I told her I tried to contact her ghost and she started to cry.

I couldn't think of the right words to convince her that even though the last time we spoke we were kids and even though our last words to each other were unkind, I still cared about her, so I didn't say them. I was smoldering, more with frustration, I guess, because I sure as heck don't hate her for it, I just can't get over the idea that she cared so little for us that she would hide from us for SIX YEARS and I told her as much. She kept dismissing me about that, saying that she just couldn't bring herself to call or write and I got kind of angry with her at one point and she offered an apology for not telling me she was alive. When she looked up, her eyes were so sad. I felt like a huge jerk, everything was so wrong. I accepted the apology and there was this awkward silence that felt like it lasted forever. Then she said that all she needed to do was get her journal before someone else found it and that it seemed like the right time to come back to Gravity Falls, but now she thought maybe she was mistaken.

I wasn't sure if she was wrong about that, but I didn't want her to go, so I told her that Mabel was here and she perked up and I asked her to come over and hang out and talk to her. Fortunately she agreed. It was a long, quiet drive to the Shack.

Tonight was nice, though, after all. I mostly just listened to Mabel and Pacifica talk and I took some abuse and watched as Pacifica relaxed.

She calls herself Erica Sutherland these days. She was afraid for a long time that the authorities would come get her for her parents' debts and by the time they were sent to prison, she thought it was too late to go back. She lived in a homeless shelter for weeks which I cannot even imagine. She got menial jobs and assistance from the government and she lives with other battered and abused women in an apartment in Portland.

After a few beers she seemed to get a little more comfortable and not as freaked out by me. I guess being surprised by my presence, put off by my frustration, and not being used to seeing me as a tall, tattooed dude didn't help. Otherwise, she seems easy-going and down-to-earth. Her hair is a little darker, but still blonde, and she's a little curvy which I admit suits her rather well, and she's taller than Mabel so maybe 5'6"?. She was wearing next-to-no makeup, and she said all her clothes and stuff are second hand. Her current occupation is waitress and all her jobs have to be cash under the table because she doesn't have a social security # for her fake identity. Her new life could not be more different than her old one, but she claims that she believes it happened this way for a reason. She seems happy with it, which I'm glad for. I know how miserable she was in that house...

Mabel asked her to stay with us for the weekend and she agreed so she's up in the attic with Mabel right now. And I cannot sleep.


	4. Chapter 4

**Oh no.**

 **A Gravity Falls Fanfic by Aoikami Sarah**

 **Chapter Four**

 **Personal Journal of Dipper Pines Selected Entries, Newspaper Articles and Announcements**

Personal Journal of Dipper Pines

Sunday, August 13th, 2023

I just dropped Pacifica off at the bus station to go back to Portland. It was hard to do. Mabel feigned that she had a call to take and told me to drive her by myself. She gave me this cheesy wink behind Pacifica's back, but rather than encouraging me, it just made me want to crawl in a hole. It's not like I could've just told her how I feel and everything would be perfect. Life is too complicated for that, now. She has another life and she doesn't need me to rescue her from it and she certainly doesn't need my affection to feel whole.

Oh no. But I need HERS! Oh god I am so stupid why didn't I just tell her that? What is wrong with me? It WAS me, wasn't it? Oh and I made her apologize for leaving holy cow I am such an asshole. If I had just reached out to her back then, I could have helped her. She's so strong, I know that, but she needed a hand so she could pull herself up and out of that horrible situation and I didn't extend it even though I loved her so much I was so wrapped up with my own stupid hurt feelings...well, I was 13, but still, that's no excuse for acting the same stupid way NOW!

I have her #. I can call her. I should call her. I'm gonna call her.

I apologized. Profusely. I cried. A lot. Not ashamed of that-especially because she thanked me and cried too and I told her to come stay with us anytime she wanted and she promised to come back soon, maybe in two weeks she'll talk to her boss at the restaurant and get some more time off if she can. She asked me to call her again soon! I will. I'm not sure if she feels as strongly about me as I do about her so I'm going to take it slow, but I know that I love Pacifica more than anyone I've ever been with and that's just from a few months as a kid and this past weekend! This is so nuts, but I don't care. This feels right. And if I can make her happy… I don't even want to write down any what-ifs in case I jinx it, so I'll just say "..." and leave it at that.

Mabel is going to be totally insufferable with gushing and teasing me once I tell her about this. Maybe I'll wait a couple days.

GRAVITY FALLS GOSSIPER, Friday, October 6th, 2023 **,** Page 2

GREASY'S WELCOMES NEW WAITRESS - PACIFICA NORTHWEST

by Toby Determined

The mystery of the disappearance of Gravity Fall's former heiress Pacifica Northwest in 2017 has been solved. She is the newest addition to the staff at Greasy's Diner. Northwest went missing the day before the fire that consumed much of the mansion home she shared with her parents Preston and Muffy Northwest. Mr. and Mrs. Northwest were convicted of multiple counts of fraud in 2018 and are currently serving decades-long prison sentences. Pacifica states that she learned of their crimes and bankruptcy before leaving, but that it was for personal reasons involving her treatment by her parents that she ran away from home. She lived under an assumed name for six years to protect herself from her parents before returning to Gravity Falls last month, taking up residence at the Mystery Shack with the Pines family. Pacifica is an experienced waitress and this reporter can vouch that her skills are excellent and she takes great pride in a job well done. Gravity Falls is glad to have her back.

GRAVITY FALLS GOSSIPER, Friday, June 7th, 2024, Page 4

ANNOUNCEMENT: PINES AWARDED PhD

The Institute of Metaphysical Humanistic Science has conferred upon Martin "Dipper" Pines the Doctor of Metaphysical Humanistic Science, specializing in Cryptozoology and Hominology. Cryptozoology is the study of undiscovered animals; that is, animals as yet undescribed by science. Hominology is a branch of Cryptozoology which focuses on the study of primates or hominids such as Bigfoot as opposed to all types of cryptids. The sheer magnitude of the estimated number of undiscovered species is nearly unfathomable and many have been spotted over the years in Gravity Falls. Pines continues to explore, investigate, and research reports of unknown animals that have been seen by locals for years—sometimes, hundreds or even thousands of years.

GRAVITY FALLS GOSSIPER, Friday, May 14th, 2027, Page 2

NEW DINER IS A "MYSTERY" by Toby Determined

Renovations of the old Greasy's Diner are complete and its new identity has been revealed!... Kind of. The Mystery Diner will open its doors tonight. This new business is the first for its owner, Pacifica Northwest, who until a year ago had been a waitress at the diner. She purchased Greasy's from its owner Bob Greisman in November and has been renovating it since then. According to Northwest, the work was accomplished through 90% sweat equity and 10% serendipity. After a sneak peek into the facility while obtaining this interview, this reporter can say he is impressed but doesn't want to spoil the surprise for her patrons. The menu will feature a good deal of local, farm-to-table dishes at reasonable prices. "We're bringing fresh, seasonal farm food to local people," Northwest said. "Usually, only folks in the city have access to restaurant meals that feature produce and meats from the country and that's just silly." The menu includes small plates, entrees from $8.00 to $20.00, desserts from the Smiling Valley Baking Company down the street, and even healthy options for kids.

(Photo: GFG)

GRAVITY FALLS GOSSIPER, Friday, July 9, 2027, Page 3

OBITUARY

Stanley "Stan" Pines passed away peacefully at home in his sleep at age 85 on Sunday night, much to the chagrin of his enemies. He was a lifelong grifter and con-man who was beloved by his friends and family. Stan was born in New Jersey and came to Gravity Falls in the early 1980s. For decades he was the proprietor of the Mystery Shack. He held an amateur heavyweight boxing title in the 1970's. He is survived by his twin brother Stanford Pines, son Jesus Stan Jr. "Soos" Pines and his wife Melodye of Portland, nephew Alexander Pines and his wife Deb of Seattle, grand-niece Mabel Pines of New York and Los Angeles, grand-nephew Martin "Dipper" Pines and his fiancée Pacifica Northwest of Gravity Falls, and two granddaughters, Stanita "Nita" and Consuela "Connie" Pines of Portland. Donations in lieu of flowers may be made to the Stanley Pines Mystery Shack Preservation Fund, 618 Gopher Rd. Gravity Falls, OR. The family invites everyone to the Mystery Shack to share memories and incriminating stories about Stan on Saturday, July 10th from noon to 4pm.

(Photo)

GRAVITY FALLS GOSSIPER, Friday, June 23rd 2028, Page 4

ANNOUCEMENTS: MARRIED: June 22nd, Martin "Dipper" Pines and Pacifica Elise Northwest, both 28 years of age, at their home, the Mystery Shack.

(Photo courtesy of Stanford Pines)

(finished 5/31/2015, to see the photo of Dipper and Pacifica, go to tumblr user aksarah and search #ohno.)


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